Many people come to therapy with a sense that their reactions feel bigger than the situation in front of them, or that they struggle to feel safe, calm or connected even when they want to. This can be confusing, particularly when there is an understanding of what has happened in the past, but the body still responds as if the threat is present.

In The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk explores how trauma is not only stored as memory, but is also held within the body and nervous system, shaping how we experience ourselves, others and the world around us.

Do you ever notice that relationships can feel confusing or tense even when you care about the other person and genuinely want things to go well?

In “Making Great Relationships” by Rick Hanson, the idea is that relationships are not fixed or something we simply have, but something we are actively creating through the way we think, speak and respond to each other in everyday moments.

The book explores how many of our relational patterns are shaped by the nervous system and past experiences, which can sometimes lead to conflict, withdrawal or misunderstanding even when connection is what we actually want.